


Tabula Rasa

by Hyunity



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Angst, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Falling In Love, Grief/Mourning, Magic, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-17
Packaged: 2021-03-13 15:07:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29528238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyunity/pseuds/Hyunity
Summary: "Tell me, Sesshomaru, what would you be willing to give me to see her again?"The great Sesshomaru has spent almost every day since Naraku's death daydreaming, reliving the last moments of that woman he could not save, sometimes he blames himself for not doing enough, other times he wonders what would have happened if Kagura hadn't died. But there are also those times when the pain is too strong and the confusion too chaotic. It is during those moments that he wishes he could see her again, just touching a lock of her hair would be enough. But does he really want it? An opportunity to experience what is like to be with someone else- an opportunity to be with her, is precisely what a demon offers him in exchange for a price to high to pay.
Relationships: SessKagu - Relationship, Sesshomaru and Kagura, Sesshomaru/Kagura
Comments: 1
Kudos: 9





	Tabula Rasa

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, what does the title mean? It means a clean slate- to start over. I always imagined Sesshoumaru and Kagura together but not in a conventional or domestic sense. I want to give them a unique opportunity, a world just for them. About the ending ... I don't know yet, but I hope it's an ending worthy of them.
> 
> This work is updated weekly.

_I exist in the nothing._

The thought echoed through Sesshomaru so vividly he almost flinched. Sometimes he would stare into the nothingness that surrounded him without uttering a single sound. He was in constant communication with the void inside him, it swallowed him whole, it consumed him until he wasn’t able to take it anymore and he found himself forced to shut down whatever he was feeling at that particular moment. _What am I? Who am I? What is expected of me after all this time? Is there anyone actually expecting anything of me?_ He let out an exasperated sigh as his long lashes fluttered open letting a mellow stream of light come between his lids unannounced, he was temporarily blinded by sun, it both bothered him and comforted him as the wind softly blew and wrapped him in swirls only his otherworldly eyes could perceive. _Are you still in the wind?_ He cared little to nothing about anything at that point but to sleep, rest his all too tired back against this old tree as the autumn leaves fell in compliance with the gravity. His eyes caught one orange leaf falling in slow motion as it swerved from side to side, the wind gently guiding it, then another one followed, and then there was a third. Soon a silent race began. He was mildly entertained watching them, silently wondering which one would land first. He was secretly hoping for the third one to win, to descend a little faster and hit the ground before all the others could- however, right before the race was able to hit an end, a small figure came running at full speed from among the trees and bushes of the vast forest. The great demon barely raised one of his thin eyebrows in disapproval, for his tiny servant had completely disrupted such a peaceful moment. Sesshomaru forced himself to suppress a sigh, to pretty much swallow it and reached for a small rock and threw it with enough force to knock the little imp out cold, Sesshomaru had originally aimed between his enormous eyes, however it somehow landed on his nose. _Serves him right._

“Lord Sesshomaru- what did I do this time?” Jaken cried out with his whiney and squeaky voice as he rolled onto his side, it took him a few tries, but he managed to rise up- both hands were holding onto his staff for support. “Are you feeling well?” he asked with enough concern to make his master want to throw a bigger rock at him.

“Where were you?” the tiny creature appeared to cringe at his master’s tone. “All you had to do was get a new kimono for Rin, did you find it? I am getting the feeling you’ve come back completely empty handed.”

Jaken tried to contain the tremors that his master's cold, emotionless gaze caused him. Even though Sesshoumaru would never dare to seriously harm his servant, the poor thing still feared for his life. It was a feeling that Jaken couldn't quite control. When Sesshomaru tilted his head slightly, Jaken stammered uncontrollably and fell to the ground taking a bowing pose. "Please forgive me! I did my best, but I couldn't find anything suitable for little Rin."

“What is that supposed to mean?” The great demon could not understand what was so difficult about fetching little Rin a new garment. He was not asking for the impossible of his little servant, it wasn’t a life and death situation either. The only thing the green creature had to do was find something new for her. It had been two months since Kagome returned to this era and even after that he still visited month after month the village where his ward now lived peacefully, away from all danger he could put her through and from what he could see- she seemed happy. Whenever Sesshoumaru stopped to see Rin, he tried to have gifts for the little girl who always greeted him with a huge smile.

He preferred to give her kimonos but sometimes he also gave her ornaments for her long hair. Jaken had insisted to Rin that she should cut it off as it could get in the way, but she didn't seem to care about the opinions of this little demon who helped raise her for almost a year. Sesshomaru didn't take them into account either. “Well?” he prompted a response from Jaken, who continued to wobble.

"Well, remember you bought her a yellow kimono last month and all I found was similar designs so that's why I didn't bring anything for the little girl." Jaken answered with a low tone of voice and even though he seemed to fear for his life at that moment, the respect could still be perceived in every word that came out of his strange mouth. Sesshomaru wondered why his servant feared him so much, they had spent long years together and yet this little demon could not control himself in his presence. _Poor Jaken_ , his master thought bored, _I feel sorry for him sometimes but to be honest - I am a bit amused by his reactions_.

“And?” Jaken paled and flinched. “That’s your excuse? I suppose we’re going empty handed this time.” Slowly he rose to his feet and skimmed his fingers over the hilts of both swords. His fingers wavered on Tenseiga's hilt and in the blink of an eye Sesshoumaru found himself momentarily transported into that field of flowers where _she_ was waiting for death to come for her. While he had failed to become her savior, part of him wondered if by refusing to help her on that occasion he had become her executioner. _Is it my fault that she died? I didn't do anything to help her, I didn't even try, and she died in search of that freedom she dreamed of so much_. Without saying a word, the great demon's feet came off the ground, he heard Jaken babble before grabbing onto his fur- soon they were both in the air, flying freely, defying the laws of gravity to which the leaves of the trees were bound to. He rarely thought of this kind of thing, but he had taken a preference for walking over flying. Since Rin began traveling with them three years ago, walking had become a habit for his unusual pack, being surrounded by greenery and open fields, being able to look up and admire the starry sky every night instead of freely roaming it. However, it was much faster to get to the village by flying than by walking. The wind blew gently enveloping Sesshoumaru completely, kissing his face, caressing his skin and again he found himself thinking about the last moments he spent with _her_. Again, he dared to daydream about what could have been instead of what was. Sesshoumaru closed his eyes for a few moments, just for a few seconds, but when he did, his mind built a scenario where only the two of them existed. A world completely theirs where she had not faded, a reality made of lies in which she ran her delicate fingers through his long hair as he rested his forehead against her delicate shoulder, taking in her scent.

Suddenly the feeling as if a fist were squeezing his heart with an out-of-this-world force came rushing down on him, his breath hitched, and his vision blurred. _What is happening to me?_ He shook his head in an attempt to clarify his ideas, but then again it didn't do much good as all he might be able to do was think about her. In that look full of serenity while his was probably full of regret for not having been able to save her. He let out a long sigh as he descended upon the village landing on the fragile roof of Kaede's hut. Some humans stopped to watch him for an instant and then returned to whatever they were doing, by then they had gotten used to seeing Sesshoumaru and in a way he had also gotten used to surrounding himself with their presence. It was not like he had suddenly developed a love for this species, it could be said that he had learned to tolerate them. Rin and Kohaku were the exception, though. With a small jump he landed right next to that woman who did not belong to this world, that woman who was able to break the seal that kept Inuyasha asleep for fifty years. The same woman who destroyed the Shikon Pearl three years ago, became the wife of this great demon's half-brother. Even though he didn't dare to admit it out loud, the truth was that he respected Kagome, and, in a way, he felt a bit of pride in considering her part of his family. Kagome was standing in front of Miroku’s and Sango’s twins, as soon as he landed three pairs of eyes fell on him without detonated surprise. "Hello, Sesshomaru!" Kagome gave him a genuine smile as the twins laughed out of sheer happiness, they didn't bother to ask if he was okay with them throwing themselves at him to play with his fur. To tell the truth, it did not bother him at all that the girls did this because if there was something that existed in him now, it was patience. Jaken, on the other hand, tried to get the twins away from his master, however he was unsuccessful and the only thing that caused was more laughter from the little girls. "Are you coming to see Rin?" Kagome asked him as she stood up, he immediately noticed a change in her, her blood smelled a tad different, but he preferred not to comment on it. It was none of his business - yet.

"Why else would I come here?"

She let out a soft laugh as she rubbed her belly, "Well, whenever you come you bring something for little Rin." She nodded at him with a huge grin now. “This time you have nothing on you,” she frowned as she stared down at the twins -who kept pulling at his fur- “Hey, you two! Stop bullying Sesshomaru!” She put both hands on her hips then stomped her foot for good measure, it seemed to him, but it did nothing to deter the two girls from pulling and rubbing their faces on the fur. “I’m so sorry, I’ll pick them up.”

“It’s fine. Where’s Rin?” he asked letting his eyes wander across the land before stopping on Kagome’s face once more. “I don’t sense her.”

“She’s with Kohaku today. He said he was passing by and asked Rin if she would like to go fishing with him, I believe they’re not too far from here.” She smiled at him knowingly. He knew it. Of course, Sesshomaru knew what was happening between Kohaku and Rin. Long ago the boy had traveled with him and his little pack, during that time the bond between the boy and Sesshomaru's ward became palpable, however with the passage of time it had only grown stronger. Sesshoumaru felt at ease knowing Rin was in the right place, that she was safe and there were people in this small village who cared for her.

“I see.” He said simply. “I’m leaving then.” Kagome stopped her brother-in-law by daring to pull at an errand lock of Sesshomaru’s long silver hair. His eyes went wide in surprise. Sometimes this woman impressed him, she was one of the few creatures in this strange world who did not fear him at all, quite the opposite- she considered him family, she knew she could count on him just as he knew he could count on her if needed. “What do you think you’re doing?!” He was almost -just almost- tempted to swat her hand away and he probably would have if she hadn’t let go.

“Is there something troubling you?” She asked, concern taking over the playfulness washed over her just a few moments ago. “Would you like to talk about it?”

_Is there something that worries me?_ He could lie to himself and to her by simply saying no, he could tell her that it was none of her business, he could even tell her she’s imagining things but for some reason he found himself unable to do so. It had been so long, and he still couldn’t process Kagura’s death, after defeating Naraku the fast pace of his life calmed down and all he could do was think about her. “Could you… fix what’s wrong with me? Do you have that kind of power?” Kagome seemed surprised by his admission but to her credit, she recovered quite quickly.

“It is not in me the power to drive away the demons that torment you, the only thing I can do is listen to you and help you understand whatever you are going through. Sometimes talking to someone about our problems helps us feel better.” She sighed, looked up at the sky as if searching in the clouds an answer only they could give before meeting his gaze once more. “The body can heal but sometimes our soul needs another kind of medicine.”

“Am I sick then?” He asked her then, unable to keep the surprise off his voice.

“No! Lord Sesshomaru, you are most certainly not sick!” Jaken managed to break free from the twins before stumbling forward, putting himself between Inuyasha’s wife and his master. “You should stop drilling strange ideas into my master before I…” Sesshomaru didn’t give the tiny demon time to finish the sentence for it suddenly flew off from a kick, the twins let out one laugh after another as they ran after Jaken.

Sesshomaru hesitated, it was difficult for him to say aloud all the things that he was forced to deny and bury deep within him. There was something about Kagome that reassured him, there was something about her that invited him to let go. "There is something that bothers me." He admitted quietly. "Do you know how someone's death can be overcome?”


End file.
